


First Visit

by flaming_muse



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-26 00:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/644468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flaming_muse/pseuds/flaming_muse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine’s coming to spend the weekend, and Kurt is absolutely not nervous.  (Except he totally is.)</p>
<p>set sometime this spring, but absolutely no spoilers beyond 4x10 (“Glee, Actually”) - it's not even speculation, just dreaming</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Visit

There’s a chime from Kurt’s pocket as he frowns at his hair in the mirror, and he fishes his phone out to find yet another text from Blaine.

_I can see your building! Be there in a minute! :)_ it reads, and Kurt sends back a smiley of his own and takes a deep breath.

He’s not nervous. He has no reason to be nervous, after all. Just because Blaine is coming out to spend the weekend with him in New York for the first time since they got back together, just because the apartment is full of memories of other trips that didn’t go well for them - if the heartbreak and awkwardness of breaking up in the fall or being so painfully broken up over Christmas can be distilled to a simple ‘didn’t go well’ - Kurt has no reason to be nervous, because they’re back together, back in love without reservation, and he finally, _finally_ is going to get the wonderful New York weekend with his boyfriend he’s always dreamed of. They will get to explore the city and be together without any of the horrible emotions that made Blaine’s other visits so hard.

So Kurt’s not nervous. He’s just... unsettled. He’s had a little too long to wait for Blaine this afternoon, because Blaine was kind enough to offer to make the trip into the city from the airport by himself so Kurt didn’t have to skip his afternoon class to meet him, and that means that Kurt’s been stuck alone at home tidying up the already clean apartment, switching out one scarf for another at least four times, trying to get his hair to behave the way he wants it to, checking on his supply of those fruit water drinks Blaine likes, and generally spinning in circles getting ready for a visit he’s already completely ready for.

He smooths down his new olive green pants and pokes at his hair again. It had looked so good this morning...

There’s a knock on the door, a sharp, happy rap, and Kurt spins toward it, startled. It has to be Blaine. It’s suddenly hard for Kurt to catch his breath. He’s glad Rachel is away on her special NYADA retreat for golden ticket holders, not just because it gives him the time alone with Blaine but because he doesn’t have to suffer through her intrusive and supportive glances as his hands flutter for a second before he swallows down the lump in his throat and goes to the front door.

He doesn’t hesitate, though, before he slides the door open. He can’t. He’s too excited to see Blaine, who is there in the hallway wearing a perfect new coat with his suitcase beside him, his familiar, wonderful face bright and smiling. Kurt’s own smile rises without him thinking about it, because of course he’s happy to see him. Blaine’s the most important person in his heart after his dad, his best friend, the person he wants to share his life with, and Blaine’s _here_ , for real this time, here in New York with him.

“Hi,” he breathes, his heart doing a giddy flip in his chest.

“Hi,” Blaine replies, and then he’s in Kurt’s arms, hugging him almost too tightly, and Kurt squeezes his eyes closed and wishes the moment weren’t overlaid with the memories of past visits with roses of apology or awkward holiday greetings. It feels _so good_ to hug him, a physical confirmation that all of their soft, heartfelt talks on the phone and over Skype since Kurt’s last happy trip to Ohio had actually kept their relationship going in a way it hadn’t in the fall.

Blaine’s arms contract even more around him, making it hard for Kurt to fill his lungs, but he can feel in the gesture that Blaine is as needy for the contact as he is, and he tries to wait out the discomfort.

He doesn’t have to say anything, though; Blaine relaxes after a minute but doesn’t release him, and he raises his head and smiles into Kurt’s face. “Hi,” he says again and leans in for a short kiss. It’s dry and lands on the side of Kurt’s mouth, but it still makes Kurt’s heart pound, partly from happiness but mostly from a fresh surge of nerves, because here they are, and it’s so, so good, and Kurt’s not quite sure he can trust it or himself yet.

But Kurt’s also never let nerves stop him. He knows how to fake it until he makes it. So he smiles back at Blaine, takes a little step away, and gestures for Blaine to come in fully out of the hallway. “How was your trip?” he asks, sliding the door shut again as soon as Blaine has wheeled his bag inside. The apartment suddenly feels foreign, almost too much space around them or maybe too little.

“Good,” Blaine says and unbuttons his coat. “I had this little girl sitting next to me on the flight who talked my ear off about One Direction, so I didn’t finish my English reading, but she was so cute that I didn’t mind.”

Kurt takes Blaine’s coat and hangs it on the wrought iron coat rack he’d rescued from that awful antiques stall at the street fair. “Should I be worried?” he asks with a lift of his eyebrow, leading the way toward his room and ignoring the way his stomach twists. This will be the first time they sleep together properly in his bed, the first time that counts, the first time without tears and betrayal, the first time they can curl up together for the whole night and wake up to each other in the morning without being interrupted, and as absolutely glorious as it sounds he almost can’t think about it now when he’s still getting used to the idea of being in the same physical place as Blaine and getting to touch him again. He knows in a few hours when it’s time to go to sleep there - or not go to sleep - he will be over this irrational jittery feeling. He just has to get past it.

“About Hannah or Harry Styles?” Blaine asks. He stops in the doorway.

“Either,” Kurt replies. There’s a tender little knot of misery deep in his heart that tightens at the joke, but they’re past Blaine cheating. He can joke about the idea of it. He has to be able to joke to prove that he’s okay, especially in a situation where there’s clearly no reason to be concerned.

Blaine’s smile is soft and comforting, fond and sure in a way that knot in Kurt’s heart appreciates. “Nope. No reason to worry.”

Kurt smiles back and points to the corner by his dresser. “I thought you could tuck your suitcase there. There’s space in my closet if you need to hang anything up.”

“Thank you.” Blaine brushes past him, his shoulder against Kurt’s chest in a whisper of a touch, and Kurt can feel it all the way down to his toes. Blaine’s always made him tingle by being near, but he’d gotten used to it over their time together in high school. Apparently he has to re-learn that skill.

“And hangers,” Kurt adds quickly, clasping his hands in front of himself with the spike of jitters. “I have hangers, too. I stole them from Rachel’s closet, because mine are all being used, but she always puts her clothes away without ironing them, so she won’t notice if her shirts are creased.”

Blaine settles his suitcase into the spot Kurt had indicated - and it does fit there perfectly, accessible but out of the way, with no danger of anyone’s toes getting stubbed trying to walk around it in the dark - and turns back toward him, handsome as ever in his navy shirt. He searches Kurt’s face for a moment. He doesn’t look tense or worried, but his scrutiny makes Kurt want to fidget. Kurt needs to keep going through this awkwardness to the place where they’re comfortable; he can’t stop yet. They can’t stop _here_. They need to keep going until things are simpler again.

“What’s wrong?” Blaine takes a step toward him.

“Nothing,” Kurt insists with a shake of his head. “Nothing.” He takes a breath and makes himself smile again. “I’m happy you’re here.”

“I’m happy, too,” Blaine says, but he’s still looking at him, and Kurt wishes it didn’t make him feel jumpy.

It didn’t used to. Kurt used to drink up that kind of focused, careful attention. He knows he’ll return to feeling that way in the future, but there’s a different history between them now, so much hurt on both sides, and if he’s looking forward instead of back, if he’s truly, deeply joyful all the way to the very depths of his heart that they’re back together as a couple and getting to have this time in New York to enjoy it and each other he still can’t help but feel the hollow memory that there was a time none of this was his.

He’s used to Blaine being entirely wonderful or someone who made him feel hurt and guarded, and he’s both and neither at once now. Kurt still can’t forget that things have changed and that being together isn’t the same easy comfort it used to be, not yet.

“Kurt,” Blaine says softly, his brows drawing together in a sign of worry.

“I’m fine.” Kurt reaches out a hand to him, which Blaine takes firmly and without hesitation. It’s a relief to Kurt, because the last thing he wants is to make things even harder. He wants them both to be trying. “This is just a little weird,” he admits with a wry tip of his head. “Your other visits weren’t what I wanted, and I want this one to be perfect. I want _us_ to be perfect.”

Blaine nods and squeezes his fingers. “I know. I do, too.” His eyes brighten with tentative hope. “Does it help if I say I have nothing to admit but that I love you?”

A tiny, formless worry squirming deep in Kurt’s chest goes quiet, and the corners of his mouth lift. “It does,” he says with some surprise, because he hadn’t known he needed to hear that bit of reassurance. He hadn’t known he’d been worried about it at all, because he trusts Blaine, but he trusted Blaine the first time, too. It’s nice to hear the words. “I have nothing to tell you but that I love you, too.” It seems only fair to give the same comfort back.

Blaine smiles again, though it crumples into something a little wobbly. “Good. I’ve really missed you, Kurt.” He tugs at Kurt’s hand, his voice soft with need, and Kurt goes willingly into his arms.

“Me, too,” Kurt whispers against his hair. “Every day.” He can live with it, but it’s both harder and easier now that they’re back together, because the place in his life that’s Blaine’s still isn’t filled most of the time but at least it can be sometimes. Like now.

“Every minute,” Blaine says.

The hug is warmer, less desperate, and more comforting, and it’s Blaine. It’s just Blaine.

It doesn’t feel weird to Kurt at all. It feels right. It feels like where he’s supposed to be. He knows Blaine’s arms, his body, and how just to fit into them. He knows everything about Blaine, including how to be with him and how to love him. It’s not quite the same as it was before everything shattered that night in the middle of that park, but it’s going to be just as good.

He presses his cheek against Blaine’s, smells Blaine’s hair product and laundry detergent, rubs his palms against the fine fabric of Blaine’s shirt, and actually feels _safe_.

“I love you,” Blaine murmurs, and it doesn’t hurt Kurt at all to hear it, not anymore. It doesn’t have to be filled with regrets, because they’re here now.

When their mouths meet for the second time that afternoon, the kiss is long, sweet, and tempting. It’s lush and yet gentle, filled with promise and gratitude. And if Blaine’s lips are still in need of a good moisturizing lip balm, their dryness doesn’t stop Kurt from being flooded with a very familiar tingling joy that sets his heart pounding. As much as it makes it difficult for him to think, he knows that feeling of arousal and happiness. He has missed it, has missed the way Blaine makes his heart sing just from a kiss.

Kurt gets his hand on Blaine’s stubbled cheek, sighs as Blaine’s arm slides around his waist, and kisses him harder.

It’s going to be okay, he knows. It’s really going to be okay. It might have its awkward moments, but Kurt doesn’t have to fake it ‘til he makes it. He can just have it. They’ve already made it.

“So,” Blaine says, his voice husky, when they finally pull apart. His thumb is stroking the small of Kurt’s back beneath his vest in the most distracting way. “What great New York entertainment do you have planned for us tonight? An art house movie? Some cool cabaret? A display of Tibetan throat singing?”

“Tibetan throat singing?” Kurt says in disbelief. The idea of it is enough to pull him out of his Blaine-induced reverie. “Really?”

“I don’t know,” Blaine says. His shrug is sheepish. “There was an article about it in the in-flight magazine.”

Kurt takes a step back and gestures to indicate that they should walk toward the kitchen. “I see One Direction wasn’t the only distraction from your English homework on your flight.”

“We’re doing Dickens,” Blaine says, his shoulders slumping. He follows Kurt out of his room. “I hate Dickens.”

“You’re almost done with high school,” Kurt reminds him. “Then you’ll be in college and never have to take another English class if you don’t want to.”

“I know.” Blaine looks like he’s trying to keep his smile from getting too wide, and after a moment Kurt realizes it’s probably not because of English class but because he’s probably thinking about college. College, which they hope will be in New York with Kurt.

Kurt is hoping Blaine won’t just be in the same city but in the same apartment, though he hasn’t mentioned that yet. One step at a time. He doesn’t take the ability to plan for their future for granted anymore. It’s not an altogether comfortable thing to know.

“I know you have plans, Kurt,” Blaine says. Off Kurt’s startled blink, he adds, “For tonight?”

Kurt clears his throat and tries to focus on the wonders of the here and now instead of being caught up in the future. “I thought,” he says, filling up the kettle to make some tea, “since you’ve been traveling and we’ve both had a long week, we could go down to the bodega on the corner - the good one, not the one with the horrible smell in the dairy case - and get some ingredients, then come back and make dinner together and have a night in.”

He puts the kettle on the burner and turns back to see Blaine standing there, not quite looking at him. Kurt realizes in a cold flash of dismay that he might be pushing too fast too soon, maybe a quiet night together isn’t the right call, maybe they need the distraction of the city, because Blaine came to visit New York, too, and things are still new enough between them that the buffer might be good. It’s like dating, doing things together to learn about each other, or in this case re-learn. Kurt made all sorts of assumptions about their weekend based on who they’d been before, but it’s not before. It’s now. He needs to remember that.

And they _are_ dating, just dating. He wants forever, and he knows Blaine is thinking that way, too, but they’re just dating. They should do things that dating people do.

“No, you’re right, we should go out,” he says, his voice going high with emotion. He can do this. He can get it right. He just has to work at it. His part of what went wrong was that he assumed that he didn’t need to work at it so much and was sure that Blaine wanted exactly what he wanted. “You’re in New York! I’ll check the NYADA calendar, there’s always something going on. Maybe even Tibetan throat singing.” He pulls down two mugs from the shelf, but his mind is on his laptop in his bag. He can get it as soon as the tea is steeping. “And Isabelle said there’s a new exhibit at the - “

“I like your first idea,” Blaine interrupts, his eyes snapping finally to Kurt’s face. He still looks stunned, almost blank.

Kurt stops moving and tightens his hands around the mug he’s holding. “The calendar? It’s on their web site. I’ll check it in a minute.”

“The night in,” Blaine says softly. He licks his lower lip, like he’s nervous, but he doesn’t look unhappy.

“The night in,” Kurt repeats. He isn’t quite sure he’s registering Blaine’s words right.

Blaine nods, and his shoulders straighten with confidence. “That’s what I’ve always wanted, Kurt. That’s what I used to dream about, what I still do. Just... being with you. It sounds perfect.”

“It does?”

“Yes,” Blaine says.

“It does to me, too,” Kurt says, his smile giddy and his knees weak with relief. They’re on the same page. They’re still on the same page. They really are. They’re still them, just a little off-center from where they were before but not something wholly new. He knows that’s the whole point of being back together, but it’s still good to see it again and again in ways big and small until he can stop cataloging the differences and can just live their joined life again, the one he’s always wanted.

When Blaine smiles back and holds out his hand, Kurt puts down the mug and slips his fingers into Blaine’s. “I have a great recipe for pasta primavera,” he says when Blaine doesn’t seem to be driven to pull him in for another kiss but stands there holding Kurt’s hand and watching his face like he’s the answer to every question in the world. “The secret is using fresh herbs.”

“That sounds great,” Blaine tells him. “We should get some sparkling cider, too. To celebrate."

“Okay,” Kurt says a little more breathlessly than he’d like at the easy, earnest suggestion. He can see it so vividly: making dinner in the kitchen together, eating it by candlelight at the table with cider bubbling away in their wine glasses, maybe cuddling together on the couch watching the _Say Yes to the Dress_ marathon, brushing their teeth side by side in the tiny bathroom, and then going to bed, not just for a stolen hour but for the night, not just for sex but also for sleeping as close as they can, and every bit of it colored by the love between them.

Kurt can feel his heart thumping in his throat at how simple it is for him to fall into the romance between them, the grown-up life they’ve both been craving together for so long, and he turns quickly to pour the boiling water into their cups.

“What?” Blaine asks, still holding his hand. His thumb strokes over Kurt’s fingers, and his eyes are dark when Kurt meets them.

Kurt shakes his head, but he can’t stop his smile from growing. “I’m just happy you’re here.”

Blaine finally moves closer then, cupping Kurt’s cheek and giving him a short, soft kiss. “I am, too,” he says, just an inch away. “And we have the whole weekend.”

It’s going to go well, Kurt knows. He can feel it the same way he feels when he’s found just the right accessory for an outfit. It’s going to go perfectly. There will be wonderful meals and sights to see in the city around them, and there will be this apartment, which is already feeling snug and perfect for the two of them, at the end of the day and first thing in the morning, where they can close the door on the rest of the world and don’t have to be anything but themselves together.

“We have the whole weekend,” Kurt says in delight, and he sets aside his worries and leans in for another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Reminder: I am completely and totally spoiler-free! Please do not tell me anything about what's coming ahead, because I don't want to know until I see it on my screen!


End file.
